I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it.

Chrissy will be here tomorrow. With her husband, whom I have not met in person. And her girls. Her 2 child ladies. Wha? I haven’t seen Chriss since before I moved to KS. (well, I did see her on x-mas break). And now, we are mommies! What? And Jackie. Jackie is coming over. With her baby girl. This is crazy. The 3 of us haven’t been in the same room in YEARS! It’s gonna be a trip. trip-tastic.

snuggie time!

Ok, so  when I was in Texas in November, I was lucky enough to stay where there was cable. massive amounts of cable. I was able to watch all the brainless tv i wanted…and did. One night, while surfing the tube, I came accross an infomercial. It was the most entertainingly cheezy, horrible infomercial I had seen in a long time! I had to put my face in my blanket to keep from laughing too lou as everyone else was asleep. I couldn’t wait for carrie to wake up so I could tell her all about it.

The Product? The Suggie.

The Lameness of said product? SUPER Lame.

The next day, I shared my story with Carrie, giving her my best reenactment using my best infomercial voice. She rolled with laughter, and we kept our eyes open for the next airing. I also told my friend Anea, also in Round Rock, who called a few hours later to say she had been spamed by the snuggie company. A few days later, Burl, my god dad made reference to the horrible commercial he saw…of course. The snuggie.

A few days after I got back to STL, carrie called me and told me that while visiting KC before her wedding, her step-dad, Calvin, had purchased his first item off of the tube. What could it have been? The snuggie. 2 for the price of one, included with 2 reading lights. He was very excited. We waited for them to show. I soon got pics of Carrie and Calvin “snuggied” up in the living room. When I asked Carries mom if they were worth it, she said, “Go buy a cheap fleece at Wal-Mart.”

There is nothing like taking a bathrobe, wearing it backwards and then marketing the idea to the general public, making blankets feel like an inadequate and inconvenient waste of time.

Anyway, the snuggie has found it’s place in  my life as a constant joke that never seems to go away. Just this morning, my friend Anea sent me this. It is already become a cult classic.

Because there is nothing better to do at 5:27 am than bloggggg

I don’t know what in the world is going on. I can’t sleep. I have been up all night. ALL NIGHT! Last night (well, that would actually be 2 nights ago) i didn’t fall asleep until 4:30. The night before that it was around 2. This is completely out of my norm and most ridiculous. aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Actually, I have a pretty good clue as to what it’s all about. Life… LIFE I tell ya!

My new role model, P-Diddy (no joke. I love the man and all his entrepreneurial deliciousness) once said that his work is his love and that’s why he doesn’t ever sleep. Because when you love something that much, it consumes you to the point of sleeplessness….I have just sheepishly realized that many great prophetic persons have also stated this same theory and I feel a little silly that P-Diddy is the one who hit me over the head with it. That is so how it would work with me. I swear…

Anyway, you know my usual, never ending search for everything? And you know how I am like a gypsy and can’t ever stay in one place too long? And remember how I am a total Seattle junkie and have never once in 6 years of NOT being in Seattle stopped talking about how much I love it? well…

I am so close to jumping a plane.

Now, this is a very serious decision. And the timing is actually a little off, since my best girl is about to move here. But, something is pulling me. I can’t stop waffling on it. It is consuming me. BIG TIME! Like officially. I need Seattle like a mug needs coffee. (wow. that was so accidentally cheez-o. Did I mention I am starting to go delirious?)

I had a really long talk with my friend Josh who is back home. We have known each other since we were 6 and have stayed in contact all these years. He just really made it all make sense. He always makes really good sense.

Alright, I am going to go back to NOT SLEEPING! maybe I”m make some coffee….

love you.

The cold has got me down.

I am sick. It is the annoying sickness where your ears are plugged up, your nose is stuffy and you have a hideous cough that makes you feel like 500 bricks are sitting on your chest. Good times.

I have been in bed for 2 days because this sickness has sucked all the life out of me. It isn’t a dayquill friendly sickness. No. it just won’t go away.

So, I figured, this is a great time to do a ton of homework and get it out of the way early. But, alas, I seem to read the same paragraph over and over and none of it processes. So, I blog.

Things are well. I mean, things aren’t horrible. But, I am getting really tired of job searches and working on my resume. It is a tedious path and it seems to be going nowhere. BUT, carrie is faithful in believing that there is a magic job waiting for me out there, and so, I pause and relax until she gets here for a visit on the 12th. Then, she will join the job search and resume work and help me to release my inner rock star. It’s easier to be a rock star when you have a screaming fan. And Carrie is a loyal die hard fan.

Wesley is incredible. He is just on the cusp of giving lectures (in full sentences) on nuclear physics and playing the violin. Smart cookie, that boy. He has been carrying around this miniature violin and bow for the last two days saying, “Biolin, momma! and resin bow!” Me thinks I have a violinist on me hands. Or a football player, a pianist, a painter, or a comedian, or a stunt man, or a lawyer. Maybe a doctor. He is very good at telling me to “Beel better, mommy!”

We are having the strangest winter here. It really hasn’t been that cold. Well, I think it was freezing around the time I got back from Texas, but I can’t decide if that is because I came from a 70 degree November where I wore flip flops and tee’s the whole time to immediately needing a winter coat and gloves. Maybe i just wasn’t  acclimated. Seems Seattle got the snow we usually receive, while us Missourians have had a fairly consistent 40-60 degree weather report.

Ok, that’s all. I’m going to attempt that paragraph again and see what happens.

good. goodness.

Much has been going on, but nothing that intriguing.

I am in my second term of school and loving it. I am taking a Composition for Business which is focused on writing business documents. Sounds boring, but I love it. I am also taking a software applications class which is my favorite. I have spent the last decade making up my own way of using excel and powerpoint, and am thrilled to be learning the actual way to use them. This week, we are making a pp about ourselves. It is hard to fit your whole life into 10-13 slides. But, it is fun to be able to apply some creativity into my homework and I am really enjoying it. Plus, this means that my computer and I get to spend much more time together. and I love her.

Wesley has been sick for 4 days with a bad cough, fever and cold. He seems to be a bit better today, thank goodness. Poor little guy. He has been in a pretty pathetic state. BUT this does mean that he has been extra cuddly and snuggly and I can’t complain about that!

I have fallen in love with watching tv shows on my computer. It is so great to sit in bed with a cup of tea and watch pointless tv that otherwise I would miss due to parenting duties. I love it.

I rearanged our living space in the basement and it is finally feeling amazing. It is very bohemian. I feel better about having to stick around here for a while now. I have been able to define some space as my own. It has done wonders. wonders I tell ya.

Tonight, I am going to go to Messuguh to do some homework and then might hit up Pin Up to visit with Terry, an old co-worker. He is the door guy and has lots of time to chat, so, there will be company. That is nice.

Carrie and Brian found a house .6 miles from my house! What? Can we say miracle? I am so excited for them to be here. And so is Wesley. He loves his Uncle Brian and Aunt Carrie and talks to them all the time… even though they aren’t here. HA!

Anyway, as I said, pretty boring. But it is better than being in the depths of dispare!

love.

See you MONDAY!

Ok, I will begin with a side note. WordPress changed the dashboard layout. I hate it when sites change their dashboard layouts! ugg.

And now, a post.

Carrie and Brian got married. Again. You see, they had two weddings. One in the great state of Tay-has to accommodate the lovely family and friends there. Then, they got married in Kansas to accommodate the lovely family and friends there. The second of the two weddings took place this last Saturday. I was a bridesmaid. It was the first time I have ever had an “official” place in a wedding party, and I found it quite grand. Grand indeed. And, I won a sweet bridesmaid dress that can be used again for… maybe a semi formal dinner party. So, If anyone needs a date to a formal dinner party, I am available AND have a very nice dress. But, back to the wedding stuff. It was amazing. Touching. My eyeballs teared up a few times. I love those two. They are amazing and are going to be amazing god parents to dubbs. I am honored that I got to be a part of it all.

I can’t tell you how much fun the last month of life has been. I have traveled. I have met AMAZING people. I have been around people that I absolutely LOVE and I have had the chance to make life a little less monotonous. Just kind of mosey around. I wish it didn’t have to end, but alas. Something called the “real” world beckons my presence, once again. And though I am refreshed and ready, I do kick and scream…just a little. a lot… But just a little.

I finnished my first term of school with a 3.85 GPA, which feels pretty darn good. I have gotten a rocky start on the second term, due to above mentioned travel and weddings and did not plan as well as I should have. BUT, I will soon redeem myself. I am sure of this. Oh, yes. I will.

There will be pics up soon on facebook. *cough. Carrie? bust it.* Please enjoy as I got to dress up and look real purdy and stuff. And got to stand around with handsome boys.

I end with the name of this post. It is a saying that wesley uses to say goodbye, and monday pertains to any day of the week where he might see you again.

See you monday!

The stars at night, are big and bright…

Oh, Texas. How fabulous you were!

I had the best 2 1/2 weeks! The best I think I have had in YEARS! Really. No exageration. I got to stay with Carrie, Brian and Jeff. Wesley got thrown around and wrasled with daily by big huge Texan men. He learned all about foot ball. He loved it. And I loved it equally. Brian and Wesley fell in love.

Carrie and I had a blast. We got crafty. Made a wedding wreath for her San Antonio wedding. (The official exchange of vows) went shopping. I bought an amazing pair of shoes. And Carrie bought lots of amazing clothes that I plan to steal when she moves up here.

I got to spend tiime with Anea and Issac, got to do all the decorations and got to witness their union.

I got to eat a lot of food. Good food. I gained a much needed 13 pounds. holler to that.

I got to hang out with Jeffrey a lot. He’s a great dude.

I got to see my god parents, Britt and Burl and my god brother Jordan.

I got to hang with some other NW’s and some Canadians. Basically, it was like a NW takeover in Pflugerville, TX. It was great.

Most importantly, I got to get away and get refreshed. As you all know, I seem to need dramatic change after dramatic change. It was perfect. My head is on straight. I can see things clearly and in a much healthier light. I am not angry or sad or hurt anymore. Just thankful for experiences and lessons. And those are the things to take with you. I threw all the bad stuff in a dumpster somewhere in Oklahoma. And no, I am not bi-polar as I was being told. I just wasn’t doing so hot emotionally. I wasn’t handling things in the right manner.

It has been hard coming back. The weather was perfect. Pretty close to 70 the whole time. And coming back to the cold has been a little hard. So, I think I am a sun person. Like the sun does wonders for me. And I have had to re-enter some aspects that I don’t like, but feel the true, healthy motivation to make changes. And I know that it won’t happen over night, and that’s ok.

And that is all for now. Go to my Facebook or myspace to see some pics!

yes Chrissy,

It’s time for a new post.

Oh, life. You are so interesting!

I have had a lot of changes take place. Lots of good and lots of hard things. But am working diligently on finding a balance.

I have decided to put off finding a job until January. I am just going to focus on getting through this term and most of the next, work on Carie’s wedding, go to Texas for Anea’s wedding, sleep, get refreshed, work on making some long term and short term goals, and try to network and make some new friends, work on establishing a new life for myself here, since the old life seems farther and farther away every day. That’s mostly a good thing, though there are still some pangs in my heart that I am now sure will never go away. But, as I learn to distance myself from it all, the pangs aren’t so frequent.

That’s all I can really say. Mostly everything is very personal and I am not willing to share them. But, life is going. It’s good.

Hope all is well with all of you!

newness. yes. it’s a word.

This is for all of you who want to know what has been going on and I haven’t called for the sake of repeating a story that doesn’t need to be repeated a thousand times. I’m pretty much done talking about it. Even to myself.

I quit my job today.

In more ways than one, I didn’t want to. I loved my job. I loved my coworkers. You really can’t beat them. But sometimes 1- heavier then 100+ and to make it possible for me to move forward and be the person that I am, I had to leave. Because broken hearts don’t heal when they are still being stomped on. But, that was my fault…and I regress…

It is very hard. As I walked out of the office today, it really hit me. It’s the end. It is the finality of an era. An era that I didn’t think would end. I can say with all my heart that I made the decisions I made because I thought that only good would come of it. I thought that everything I had wanted had come together.

I got in my car and called Carrie. I was feeling light and carefree. Free. Time. I had time. But, just about 15 minutes ago. I sat on my back porch and bawled my eyes out. It’s all gone. It’s official now. It’s. all. gone.

I had built it with my own two hands. Sure, there were some construction mishaps, but all in all, I thought it was sturdy and ever lasting. But, alas, it tumbled down. And for months now I have been standing in the rubble, pretending that I could still function normally there, though there was nothing I could retrieve that was in the same shape. And so, today, I halled it all away and am now staring at fresh ground and looking to lay a new foundation. One that won’t crack or crumble. But, I have to stare for a bit. Check my tools. Make a plan. Then execute.

So, no, I don’t have a plan B. I have no idea how I am going to pay my bills. But, I have to trust that I have done the right thing and that it will help me open the doors that I have been slamming for years.

A good friend told me yesterday that she wanted me to know that she recognized that I had raised myself from the beginning and that I needed to be very proud of myself for getting to the point I am at in life, because it was all me and I wasn’t given a heck of a lot of tools. That was so amazing to hear. So, I have to give myself a break and brush off the things that were recently and inappropriately expected of me, because I have been figuring out life on my own. And really, I have done an amazing job. And no one gets that credit but me.

No boys. Nope. Not looking for any of those. Don’t know when I will be ready for that again. It took me years to get where I was and it might take me years to get there again. But that’s ok. (booo) Because right now, it’s all about me. I have a lot of healing to do.

So, that’s the update for all of you that I never get back to. And thank you for your kind words. I just wish you all weren’t in every other state!

And there you have it.

music

There is really nothing better in the world then music. Really. Nothing. For me, it is the purest expression of the human condition. And thank the universe for it.

Recently, my dear friend Carleen sent me some Cd’s. We have a deep history of musical connection, and after 11 years of not being in contact with one another, and then reuniting, the Cd’s reminded me of every possible thing pertaining to our friendship. It was refreshing. As I have lost touch with the musical world with my busy life and all the stress that has gone along with it. But, it reminded me that all I need is a song to get me through the rough spot, to celebrate a good feeling, to make my body move after being stagnant at a desk all day, something to enjoy with Wesley, words that will explain what I am trying to express.

Here is what she sent me:

The Sounds

“Dying to say this to you”

A great “driving in your car with your over sized sunglasses, smoking, I’m single and a little perturbed” CD.

Shiney Toy Guns

“We are Pilot”

A close sound to The Killers, but with a chick, and that makes everything a little bit better.

Meiko

Self Titled

Pretty much takes the feelings right out of my heart and explains them out loud.

A Fine Frenzy

If I could have had the “Movie break-up. The deliciously, beautiful, painfull breakup that ends completely after only 1 hour and 45 minutes with a happy ending” this would be the soundtrack. It speaks my broken heart perfectly.

Jem

Down to Earth

I have heard most of this stuff before. But none the less. She’s great. Another “soundtrack to my life” girl.

Turkish Music

It’s just some random Turkish club cd, but as you can expect, it is very enjoyable. I like listening to is with wesley. He likes to pick out words and sing them, which is hysterical, since neither of us have any idea what they are saying. If we listen to it enough, Dubb’s is sure to be fluent in no time.

Anyway, chances are you have all enjoyed these bands a time or two and I am just WAY behind, but it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t share!

Enjoy!